Do I really believe what I believe is true?

So I've been going to the Truth project module on Wednesday nights. This was just the second week. Last week Jake was going through a-tired my daddy has been gone for days and I'm not letting my mom go-meltdown. So I figured I would just take him to the video with me. He is such a good little boy and just sits and colors. Big mistake. I didn't realize what the Truth project really was, just thought it sounded interesting. It is deep...really deep. So I half listened half quietly colored with Jake. Mostly missed a lot. This week I just left Jake in the nursery and headed in. I was totally challenged with the fact that if I really truly with all my heart believed what I claimed to believe I wouldn't live my life like I do. We as humans are living out everyday what we really believe, so what is it. WOW! When I look at it like that, hmmmm I'm not happy with what I see. Fear, Anger, etc. It is the same thing as what is in my heart so speaks my mouth. Scary stuff. A new mind is what brings a new heart. This also hit home with me. I think I have been bucking the system so to speak with not wanting to be one of those Christians. the ones that could talk the talk and look good on the outside but have nothing going on in the inside. I think I thought if God could just renew my heart all would be well. Right? But if I don't have that head knowledge and the renewed heart then I can't have either. It sounds ridiculous now, but I have feared a lot, for a long time, but slowly but surely I'm getting it:) The more closely we follow Christ, the more we will be like him. Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I also was convicted this week as I was informing my 10 year old-in the form of loud talking aka yelling-that he was being very judgemental of some people and what gives him that right. Ouch again! Actions speak louder than words. How many times have I been very guilty of judging someone that I see with very limited details about them. How many times has that been in front of my little guy. Double Ouch. This mama needs to let her actions "scream" at my children for me.

So this is what I'm working on. I think it my be a while before I get it all done. Good thing He will give me the strength. I just need to ask:) Philippians 4:13 (NIV) I can do everything through him who gives me strength.